Throw Me a Bone.... Or Even a Carrot Will Do!

The 1 a.m. pie project turned out to be a tasty breakfast this morning. The day seemed to start out okay, but took some kind of sick turn for the worse when I decided to skip Polish and come home early to get a few things done "around the flat". I had planned on picking up my pay check, doing some shopping, throwing in my 3 weeks worth of laundry, cleaning, picking up MAK, and getting some studying done, all of except the last two depending on the paycheck. This month has been especially frustrating because I had to shell out some much gold from the beginning to pay for my Polish Lessons and since then, thanks to private lessons cancelling and other small expenses such as daily transportation and caring for bunny nickeling and dimeing me to death, I haven't been able to get on my feet. I have money coming to me at all times- I'm not a poor person- it's just that I am dependant upon others to get it, and dependance is not something I do well.

Walking home from the WKD to the seminary I was tired, sore, and feeling kinda icky, but encouraged myself with the thought of that paycheck which was awaiting me. Finally home, I found my door unlocked and my sweet friend inside on my computer. I am happy and willing to let people use my room when I am not here and I can even stand letting people use my computer, but, when I get home I just need a few moments alone, to do my own thing, to be with myself. So when I found this friend in my room, I had to once again hold out for the release that I had been waiting for. No prob. So I promtly left to get MAK and to pick up the pay only to find that the bunny sitters were not home, and the kashier absent as well for the whole day. No MAK and no pay. Mind you, I am in Waraw all day, everday, and will have no othe opportunity this week to pick up my paycheck. This, this was too much. It's the fourth time that I have ever said "mam tego dosyc. nie moge w polsce." (I've had enough, I can live in Poland.)

Throwing myself in the shower, I tired to remind myself that I should be grateful for the hot water, for health, all those things. Try to tell myself the way I was feeling was kind of bratty, but it all comes down to this "release" with it's touchy timing. Just like last night. You work, work, work to get home at a decent hour only to find that the car doesn't start. After pushing and pulling and waiting for and hour and a half, you realize that you could theoretically wait all night, and your goal no longer seems all that valuable. You are robbed by time of what you once wanted. Being the ultimate low-maintanace girl, all I ask for in life are those little releases: at the end of a 14 hour day, being able to open the door to your flat, take a shower, light some candles and be alone with your thoughts; being able to perform a job and fairly receive what is coming to you at a resonable and dependable time; and from time to time quality corresondence from the people you care about. Is it really too much to ask? Being an optimist is hard work- finding "at least"s are unsatisfying as well. Somebody, throw me a bone! or even a carrot will do!.JPG