Case Closed!

On April 18, 1996 I was 15 years old and totally in love for the first time in my life. It was a wild experience that gripped my life for about 3 years and fizzled out for another year and a half after that. At 15, I remember lying under a sky of falling star dust and wishing to one day marry this person. Of course this person was in a completely different category than myself, the greatest difference being our ages and that the infatuation was only on my part, but I really believed (for I had great faith even then) that one day it would come to "fruition."

By the time I was 18, this person had moved across the country and cut off all communication with me. Other interests dampened the dramatic impact of all of this, yet a part of me, at least one finger, always held on.

But it was more than just some crazy adolescent crush- this person was my hero, all the way, taught me a lot about life and is someone I credit for influencing the person I am today.

I just found out today that this person has recently gotten married. The feelings I am experiencing from this news aren't really feelings at all- after all, didn't I null and void that initial wish on other specks of star dust since? But it signifies an actual close to the first chapter of love in my life- it's official now, there is no more hoping, no more wishing. I also have lost my 'single person hero' because as long as this person was single, I always thought for sure I could be too. Well, is it my turn now to take the torch? What other parts of my 15 year old Dolly are also dead? Is there anything left of days when I frolicked in the woods barefoot, waded in streams, and strove to absorb all knowledge and life that I could? Is there anything left of those days?