The Straw that broke the camel's back!

While Misie Kobiet (Woman's Ministries) were discussing contraceptives, I was enlightening Mr. Malewski concerning dead fish and fighting for straws all over one of pizza hut's new pizza pies. Let me explain.

Lupper (lunch-supper) with my Italian teacher was great, after I found the place that is. I misread the directions and thought that bus 184 would take me pretty much straight to her door, when in actuality I had to hoof the last 2 kilometers. I ended up being about 40 minutes later than I wanted, but surely made it at last. We had a nice meal, a good chat, a productive Italian-English session, and now are on a frist name basis, so Lidia is a really cool chic.

After this, I met up with Kris na Dworcu Centralnym (this is Central Station in the locative!) to catch some Christmas Tree festivities in the Old Town. We got there around 7:45 only to find the festivities were long over. This of course is all Kris's fault because I told him to check how long it would last and he didn't. Oh well. Instead we strolled back to the train station, stopping in at Pizza Hut on the way. They sat us in a nice booth in the non-smoking session and asked us what we would like to drink. I asked for small pepsi and so did Kris. Then the lady asked me some question, the part I understood being "did we want.... because it would be cheaper." So I, thinking it would be a pitcher or something said sure. Five minutes a different waitress comes back with one large pepsi and one straw. Uh??? Next time she came back, and asked her for another straw to which she replied "one pepsi, one straw" and walked away. I decided to take matters into my own hands and went to the cashier and, with the sweetest smile I could, asked for another straw. Mission accomplished. So Kris and I are about to slirp into this Pepsi when the waitress comes back and gives us a lecture on how rules are rules and it is one straw per pepsi. I said "excuse me, but this is an american restaurant, and in america a customer can have a hundred straws if they like." I even offered to pay for the second straw if it were that big a deal. She was like, no, no, no and then said something to the effect that the rules are not her rules and if the other customers saw us, then everyone would want two straws per drink. I didn't understand all of this until she left and Kris explained. Dude, so what if everyone has 10 straws! How much is a straw?

In spite of this, we had a very nice meal with some very lively conversation. I told Kris the "Dead Fish" story from Junior I camp (ages 9-11) at LLC which is a really hilarious story but maybe rated pg 13, so if you are offended by content related to puberty, stop here. The dead fish story is about a camper from Junior I week who got her "friendly enemy" during the middle of the week. This of course was catastrophic because every camper wants to swim as much as possible. So this camper, we will call her Lady A., decided she wanted to see for the first time how Tampax could help with this situation. She sprung this idea on me at the beginning of my swimming class and though I tried my darndest, I couldn't make her change her mind. Being her counselor I felt responsible to help the process along. So I pawned off my swimming class on another lifeguard and in the restroom we went- Lady A. on one side of the stall and I on the other trying to explain this very intricate, but simple process via sign language under the stall door, and other very artistic diagrams I tried to draw on some scraps of paper I found around the office. Although she claimed to understand, she just wasn't achieving success and since I couldn't be on the otherside with her, I had no idea what wasn't working, but promised to help her try again during rest period so that she might have a shot at swimming for camper's choice.

Round II. Lady A is in the restroom between my cabin and Jen Raimando's cabin and I, along with a crew of other girls are trying to continue offering instruction and moral support. We discovered that Lady A had not actually understood the initial instructions and also had a problem with being too tense. (Hey Peter Lazar, is this proof enough that I am really open on this website?) So Lady A suggested that if we sung the theme song 'Fingerprints of God' maybe she would feel more relaxed. So along with Gina Iceskater, the Marshner Twins (who always know what is going on) and Jen Raimando we started singing "I can see the fingerprints of God, when I look at you..." At this, some of the younger girls, including Lady A's younger sister came in and started asking questions like, "Why is Lady A in the bathroom so long? Why are you all singing?" How was I going to explain this one? It wasn't my place to explain to 9 year olds what little orphan annie did for me in one of those school specials showed by the school nurse in the 6th grade (which I remember laughing so hard at that I got in MAJOR trouble) so I "thought of a lie, and I thought it up quick. My dear, sweet tot..." Uh... Lady A's fish died, and so we are having a funeral. Lady A's little sister was a bit confused. "Lady A has a fish?" "Why yes she does. It died and she is very sad. So we are flushing it down the toilet." "Is that why you are singing?" Another little camper from the next cabing asked. "Why that is precisely right Kelsey, now run along, this is very hard for Lady A to deal with." They actually bought it and off they went. Just about this time Lady acheives success, rest period ends, and we all run off in different directions.

Lady A enjoyed swimming that day, and if I remember correctly the next day she tried again and succeeded in 15 minutes rather than 2 and a half hours. Many campers asked about the dead fish though through out the week and those of us who knew just kind of smiled, although "Fingerprints of God" has a slightly different meaning to us than to the rest of the world. The next week during Junior II, Gina Iceskater and The Marshner Twins were in my Cabin again and on Sunday, Gina realized that it was now her turn to "visit Elmo", one of the Mashner Twins summed it up best by saying "The Dead Fish is back."

I shared this story with Kris and we had a good time laughing and being very open and light about something that could be considered an offensive and taboo subject. I've told Kris he should consider a career as a Gynocologist, but he doesn't seem to keen.