Now I remember!

While my "moment of clarity" hasn't found me quite yet, I did have a musical break-through today and it was embodied in an aging pair of thigh-high leather boots, fake eye-lashes, and a little plaid dress suit whose buttons like to pop off. Sounds kinda sexy. Wait until you hear her voice after smoking for what I would guess to be 30 or more odd years. We'll probably never read about Pani Cebulska in books or magazines, but she has the power to make breath stop, hearts race, and muscles tense- and that's just when she's playing the piano.

Pawel (fellow student and future fling?) said it best when he told me he has had professors in the past who, it would seem just weren't getting through and that even though the professor he has now is not so well known, he speaks the same language as Pawel. A good professor isn't the most famous or most reknowned, but instead one who speaks your language and gets through to you. Until that point, I had always felt really lucky that Urszula Trawinska-Moroz, successful performer, recorded singer, former Violeta, Mimi, and dean of the Vocal department was my teacher, but then I realized, that as much as I love Mommy, I don't feel like she is a teacher who is speaking to my voice. Cebulska, on the other hand, has my voice out of my throat and lying on the piano- she is just that amazing and the funny thing is, she's not a voice teacher. She just understands music.

The break-through isn't so much about what I can do, because I still hack up a music phrase, sit on it, stomp on it, and smother it. But I look at this music and what I should do with it completely different now. 45 minutes with Cebulska today and I'll never be the same again. It was standing there in front of her as she was pulling Micaela out of me and stringing her along a flowing line flying out the window that I remembered: this is why I am here.